To just….be

I have a problem, a blessing and a curse. A disease of sorts that never tames. It’s the constant urge to change, to progress. It’s not that I’m NEVER satisfied, it’s just that I’m never satisfied for very long. Here I am, living in a great city, living with one of my good friends, 6 months into a lease and a new job and I have this itch – to travel, to live near the ocean, to move forward in my career, to….anything! Yet I wish I could slow down just a moment, to enjoy the present time. I am within driving distance to Chapel Hill which truly is a slice of heaven and one of my havens from the rest of the world. The Chapel Hill bubble includes endless memories, my little brother, some of my best friends, and even a possible love interest, yet, the itch to move on, to move forward is ever increasing. It’s not that I don’t want to move forward, I do, I just want to stay in one place long enough to soak everything I can out of it. I want to tell that itch to go away and come back in 6 months, maybe a year from now.

This is a recurring problem for me, I have a history of being inspired in new directions. I moved 5 times in my 4 years of college – 2 dorms, an apartment, a semester in Sydney, Australia, and an adorable cottage where I moved in with 4 strangers who soon became friends. My resume, while my experience is extensive, includes numerous jobs a year – sometimes overlapping. But to my defense, I was in college, learning more about what I wanted to do (and what I didn’t want to do) along the way. My experiences were all invaluable in getting me to where I am today. And I would never intentionally seek out the change, it would just become overwhelming and then, out of the blue, an opportunity would present itself and I jumped on it – whether right or wrong – just because the need to change had overpowered me.

I can’t help but wonder – when will this itch to continually move up, to change, quiet itself? I mean there must come a time where I can spend a whole entire year just enjoying the present time…..right?

I think I’ll try to remind myself how blessed I am to just be here, now. We’ll see if that helps..

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